Favorite Franchises: Batman & Robin

Batman & Robin (1997)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, George Clooney, Chris O'Donnell
Directed by: Joel Schumacher


Oh merciful heavens! We've come to one of the superhero films that I have been dreading the most on reviewing. It's no secret to the world that Batman & Robin is considered one of the worst movies in history, and I won't be treating it lightly. It isn't an elephant in the room. It's a giant turd and everyone knows it. But I have somewhat of an ironic appreciation for what I see whenever I watch it. If you watch the bonus features on a DVD of Batman & Robin, you will see that the filmmakers put effort towards making this film and took such pride in their choices. This review will more or less dissect why all of those decisions were the wrong ones. I can't deny that the production value is nice, but this is the epitome of style over substance. The filmmakers and actors have gone on record to admit that they were filming as if they were making a cartoon or a toy commercial. It's a complete contrast in styles from the Tim Burton films that launched the franchise that this film DESTROYED! With how much I love the Caped Crusader, Batman & Robin is Batman blasphemy, and if I have to sit through every painfully hilarious moment of this piece of crap, I'm going to make you feel my pain as well.

We'll start by talking about the film's leading man: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, I know George Clooney is the one playing Batman, but he doesn't get top billing against Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze. Just look at the guy. Do you see this guy being a threatening villain? Look at the costume. Listen to that thick Austrian accent spewing ice puns every other sentence. It's awful. Completely awful. From someone who just reviewed the Mr. Freeze from Batman: The Animated Series, I consider this version a complete insult. Seriously, was their no other actor in Hollywood that they thought would have brought a bit of dignity to Mr. Freeze for the film? What a waste of something that could have actually been a deep, thought provoking villain for a Batman film. Instead, we have the Terminator as a refrigerator. Oh, and don't make his ice puns a drinking game because you'll die of alcohol poisoning an hour into the movie.

As I said earlier, George Clooney is our Batman in this film and he does an awful job at it. He just feels like he's playing himself and that he doesn't feel quite comfortable being there. I think he does an ok job at playing Bruce Wayne, especially in his scenes with Alfred, but again being good looking and charming is just another day for George Clooney. At least his chin looks good in the Batsuit, which could've possibly been the basis for why he was cast.

Another new addition to the cast is Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl. Again, another awful performance from someone who doesn't look comfortable in their role. I can get away from the idea that this version of Barbara isn't the daughter of Commissioner Gordon and is instead Alfred's niece, a decision probably made due to the fact that their Gordon sucks in these movies. What I can't get away from is just how bland she is.

The one cast member who is dripping with personality is Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. I am under the belief that Uma Thurman would be a great Poison Ivy in a good Batman movie, but we weren't so lucky here. Everyone around her is so dull in their delivery that everything she is dishing out is beyond over the top. She is supposed to be this sex symbol for the movie, but she's saying way too much ridiculous dialogue and innuendos to kill whatever sex appeal she has going for her. Her performance needed some modern nuance to make Poison Ivy not feel like a dated performance from decades earlier. Not to mention she's flanked by a HORRIBLE version of Bane that gets the outer appearance right, but reduces all intelligence that Bane had in the comic books. Seriously, he walks around usually saying one word like a meathead. Awful. Just awful.

There's a great amount of effort put into the production design, but the effort is towards ideas that absolutely SUCK! Batman & Robin gave us such memorable moments as nipples on the Batsuit, the Bat Credit Card, a neon-light Batmobile, and a bunch of other set pieces that are far removed from the days of the Tim Burton movies. The remainder of the film becomes a combination of hilarious and horrifying all at once. It has about as much dignity as the Adam West version, and considering that it followed both the Tim Burton movies and the amazing animated series, this is definitely a step in the WRONG direction. So much so that a fifth film in the franchise was cancelled and future plans for another Batman movie would be put on ice for about 8 years. Wait, an ice pun? CURSES!!!!


Rating: 0.5 out of 5 stars

I'm ironically giving Batman & Robin half a star. Not for the effort that was put forward in the effects or production design. Not for any level of acting ability. Not for a well-written screenplay. And certainly not for being a proper representation of Batman. A half star rating was given to this film because it is one of the most hilarious botches in film history. If you value all things Batman, proceed with caution. Once you've seen Batman & Robin, you can't unsee it.

Batman & Robin and movie images are copyrighted by Warner Bros.