Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002)Starring: Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Hayden Christensen
Directed by: George Lucas
Why? Just, just why? 3 years after George Lucas disappointed Star Wars fans all over the universe, he unleashed Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. There were a lot of fans that honestly believed it couldn't get any worse than The Phantom Menace. Heck, a lot of people thought Lucas learned from his mistakes from the last film and would put the extra effort forward to ensure he doesn't end up with another disaster film. We all went in hopeful, yet again. And then the unbelievable happened: he made something WORSE! Granted, it's debatable among fans which film is worse, but I will say I've been seeing hatred for The Phantom Menace dying more over the last few years and the hatred towards Attack of the Clones growing more. Remember what I said in my last review about the difference between laughably bad and painfully bad? Because I love Star Wars so much, the bad feelings I have towards this film are incredibly painful. So let's trigger one of the biggest panic attacks I'll ever have for a film in one of my favorite franchises. This is Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones.
For those waiting for me to bash Hayden Christiensen's portrayal of Anakin Skywalker, all in good time my pretties. For now, let's talk about his dead-eyed love interest Padme, played by Natalie Portman. Just an awful young performance from one of today's most well-known actresses. Her delivery is boring, her lines are overly cheesy, and she is possibly one of the dumbest, most non-sensible heroines I've ever seen on film. Her romance with Anakin lacking so much in chemistry that it rivals Twilight territory. Yeah...THAT bad.
The great Jedi Master Yoda is voiced by Frank Oz and has been utilized as both a puppet and a CGI character in the Star Wars saga. Attack of the Clones is the film that introduced CGI Yoda and it definitely takes away from the wonder of the original Yoda. Something about practical effects just help you believe that character is really there. With this Yoda, I know he's made from a computer. It pulls me out of the adventure I'm watching. Plus, his use of a lightsaber and jumping all over the place at the end is RIDICULOUS. I know there's a lot of people who find it awesome, but I find it hilariously awful. Yoda's wisdom and simplistic use of the Force was much better utilized in the original trilogy (I keep saying those movies are better for a reason folks), and I honestly think his CGI version in Episodes II and III really take away from that mythology and legend that is attached with his name. The real Yoda trumps CGI Yoda any day.Yoda has this silly lightsaber battle against the film's main villain, Count Dooku, played by Christopher Lee. How dare this film waste great villain potential with Christopher Lee playing a Sith Lord. Count Dooku is only introduced in the last 1/3 of the movie and when he is, there's not much we are told about him. Unlike Darth Maul, he doesn't have an interesting appearance to carry his character development. He has a curvy lightsaber, can shoot lightning out of his hands, but something about him still doesn't come off as this great villain for the film. It's missing a proper payoff in my opinion. Lee is an amazing actor that we unfortunately lost this year, and while I can't consider Dooku a great character in the franchise, I'll still look on the character fondly because of the amazing talent and legacy left by Christopher Lee.
We get another boring villain in Jango Fett, played by Temuera Morrison. He's so simplistic: he's trying to kill Padme and he's the "father" of the "child" who would grow up to be Boba Fett. I actually do enjoy the fight scene he has with Obi-Wan Kenobi, but just like Darth Maul, awesome villains are not just defined by the ability to have one good fight scene. There needs to be something deeper, and they TRY to make him deeper simply based on the idea of his DNA being used to create Boba Fett and a whole army of clones.
The film is called Attack of the Clones, so we might as well discuss the introduction of the Clone Troopers. They are cloned from Jango Fett and the mystery surrounding them is about who ordered their creation. All signs point to the Sith probably using them to their advantage...so the Jedi decide to use them at the end of the movie to save the day. Here lies one of my biggest problems with the prequels: THEY MAKE THE JEDI LOOK LIKE FRICKIN MORONS!!!! Obi-Wan is suspicious of these Clone Troopers. Heck, they were cloned off the character that is trying to KILL one of our main characters. In what universe do you think they are going to be 100% helpful good guys? Seriously, you guys deserve to have Order 66 executed on you.
Rating: 1 out of 5 stars
I'll love this series til the day that I die, but Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones makes me want to tear my hair out. Badly written, poor acting, terrible character motivations and decisions, and a film that is clearly focusing more on action and effects than actually being something worthy of the title Star Wars. The biggest amount of skipping in the galaxy should be saved for a movie like this.
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones and movie images are copyrighted by 20th Century Fox
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